Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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