you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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