he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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