dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
