Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
