the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
