the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
