i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
