I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
