i jhust puked up my retainher.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
