Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There r osticjed everywhere
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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