there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
