I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
