And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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