Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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