I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
