my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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