i was born a porn star she said
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
