We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
