Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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