your parents love me but you hate me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
