matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
