i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
