shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
