Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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