Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
