i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
