i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The best revenge is premature balding
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He passed out mid-signature
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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