cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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