he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
