i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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