ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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