I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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