so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
