remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
