I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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