you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
