Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
