When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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