Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
