we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
