hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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