No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
