Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize