Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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