all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
