May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
