im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
