Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
