Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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