one two three fourrrrnication!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize