I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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