i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
