i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
