just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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