dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
