nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
