Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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