I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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