We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize