I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
