it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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