eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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