Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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