I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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