why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
