how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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