Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
