absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
