Can i not drive my cunt home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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