your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
