i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
