how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
